Friday, January 07, 2011
I'm beginning to feel myself so alone..
I just keep looking at my phone..
Chkin my whatsapp every now and then..
Wanting to msg u yet I stop..
Coz I know u wun b able to see it n I wun b getting any msgs frm u too..
Yet I will still cont taking my phone trying to dial to you..
When I saw sumthing funny or when I want to tell u something..
It's just such a natural reaction to Me..
You..being the 1st person I will reach out to..
But you are so far away..
In the arms of sumone else..
And I'm starting to feel the distance btw us..
I'm Nt sure what this trip of urs will do to us..
But there is strong feeling that u will get closer to him..
And further away from me till I lost u completely..
I can't help comparing myself to him..
What did I lose out to him..
That I can't even have ur acknowledgement..
Yet he can have you..
To say you are his gf..
And I can only remain in silence..
I don't think he is any better looking than Me..
Nor smarter nor funnier..
I don't even think he loves you more than I do..
And I don't think you love him more than you love Me..
I dont think he earns more than Me now nor in the future..
Nor see that he is much capable than me..
I dont see him more concern about you and ur well being more than Me..
But yet I don't have that little nod from you..
If one day there is a choice that I need to give my life so that you can continue yours..
I will willingly give up mine for you..
Not that I don't cherish my life..
But this is how much I love you and what I will go to..
As long as I have your nod..
I miss you so much that I kept thinking you are around me..
I brush my teeth at the dish sink...
Looking over to the lil sink..
Thinking that I will see you brushing yours..
I make my bed and turn over to my left..
Saying good night darling..
But it's just all an illusion..
Coz everytime I look over..
Its just emptiness..
At that moment there feels like a hole in my heart..
I know you will think that im thinking too much..
That I'm making myself emo again..
But all these just happen..
I cant help it..
Why do I keep feeling I'm losing you slowly..
Coz there's nothing to really tell Me that I am not..
Maybe to you it doesn't make a difference..
If you are my gf or not..
But in fact it does..
It's a form of recongnition from you..
Of my existence in your life as someone you love..
It helps Me to balance my emotions and state of mind..
To gain comfort that even though I am the hidden one..
Even though I can never appear in front of your friends and family..
I am that important to you..
I am someone of a status to you..
I might be stubborn and self centered..
But I'm persistent with my love for you too..
I still remember you saying that I will not be the hidden one forever..
You telling Me that you want Me..
And you giving Me hope for us to be together again..
If one day you really leave Me..
You will take my heart away not a big part but the whole..
I know it will a very very long time for Me..
If I really can recover from it..
I will not trust nor believe in faith and love anymore..
I will not be the same anymore..
My world will crash down on Me like never before..
And I don't think I can ever pick myself up again..
When you Say that you will use Watever things said back at Me..
Im really afraid..
Coz most of the time I don't think before I say..
I'm so afraid of hearing you say things change..
ESP when it's about your promise to Me..
And the hopes you have given to Me before..
These are the only things that is helping Me go thru all these..
The only things that make Me firmly believe that you love me..
And you do want Me with you..
That you love Me more than anyone else out there other than your family..
Please don't take the only thing I have that bring my strength out..
You are my strength..
My motivation to fight..
The one that keeps My head up..
When I faced any difficulties..
You had always been a part of Me and my life..
But now you have become half of me..
The missing rib of mine..
Baby..you will be mine..
You have to believe in that too..
If you don't I can never make that happen..
I never love anyone like I did for you..
Love you as a friend..
Love you as a buddy..
Love you as my bitch..
Love you as my good friend for many years..
Love you as my girlfriend..
Love you as my ger..
Hope to be able to..
Love you like my soulmate..
Love you like my wife..
Love you like my life long partner..
Love you like my family..
Love you like my kids mother..
Love you ever and ever..in this lifetime..
And if there is another lifetime..
I want to cont loving you like this..
:: it's just me.. :: 1/07/2011 02:14:00 AM
