:: Life in Mono ::

Fallen

2012-02-13T08:21:00.001+08:00

I lost my fighting spirit again..
I feel so down after being so sick last week..
Why always like that..
End up now I don't feel like doing anytng..
Don't feel like going to work..
Don't even have the determination to lose weight and exercise..
Suddenly I'm back to square one..
I need to find myself quick..
I only have one day time to wake myself up..
Find the fighter before last week plague..
The full of energy and determined me..
So much ideas and motivation..
What happen to me again..

I need to find my root cause..

Lost

2012-02-13T00:47:00.001+08:00

Why do I keep dwelling on the same thing..over and over again..
I know it's time to move on..
But I can't seem to walk out..
Maybe I crave for it too much..
Guess I hate to feel alone..

2012-02-10T23:14:00.001+08:00

Is it worth it to put in so much for someone who dun appreciate at all..

2012-02-10T08:18:00.001+08:00

I'm losing it again..
Losing control..
Losing determination..
Losing it to my pain..
Sick is not helping..
I feel sick..both physical n mental..
Why am I not healing?

I'm going to rest well..
At least heal myself physically..
Mentally? Maybe I deserve it..

Will I?

2012-01-18T01:16:00.001+08:00

我的爱情会来吗？
我也想有人疼我爱我。
希望是个我也爱的人。
先把自己的问题解决先。
一步一步来。
是你的就会是你的。

2012-01-04T01:10:00.001+08:00

What's going on?
Is it me thinking too much or u also thinking the same?

Don't wanna think about it..
Don't wanna feel hurt again..

2012!

2012-01-04T01:07:00.001+08:00

Happy 2012!

Found out truth of what a liar is that person..on the last day of 2012..
Should be a sign from god to tell me the truth and let me see clearly..

Move forward!
New job tml!
Nervous n excited what is coming ahead..
I must Jia you..

Missing u..

2011-11-28T00:00:00.001+08:00

It's been 3 days since I last msg her..
There had been no news of her at all..
Really wonder how she is..
Had an urge to msg her..
But shrunk back..
I Wonder If she is thinking of me too..
I hope she is doing well n fine..

I feel so emo nw..
So down..emptiness filled me up..
I felt overcome by all these feelings..
Do you know that I really miss u Alot..

2011-10-21T01:13:00.001+08:00

Having you slping beside me now..
I feel like the luckiest person ever..
I just want to write this down and not forget how this feels like..

相遇太晚

2011-10-18T23:09:00.001+08:00

我终于明白你说的话。
＂为什么你没有早一点出现。。＂
我开始质问我自己。
为什么我没有早点出现。

好多事情我没权过问也没资格去说。
我自愿做这个丑角。
没有人想要这个角色。
因为太爱你了。
所以愿意把所有的痛和无奈往里面吞。
虽然我想完全的拥有你。
但我只可以等。
可是你却让我觉得你根本不想放弃一个不珍惜你的人。
你自己在那里受伤。
我的心因为你而感到好痛好痛。
我恨我自己为什么没有好好的保护你。
让别人伤害你。
为什么我没有早点出现。
就能把你所有的不安和悲伤都带走。

Anger

2011-10-17T22:27:00.001+08:00

I got this rage building inside me..
I'm getting impaitent..
I'm losing it..
I'm starting to get frustrated playing the waiting game..
Wait wait wait..
Everything also must wait..
Am I really not good enough?!
Is there really no hope?
I just feel like crying..
I feel so tired..
I have nothing to my name..
Nothing to begin with..

2011-10-17T01:38:00.001+08:00

I did wrong..
I messed it up..
I wasn't feeling good..
Bcoz of that I neglected some things..
And this neglection caused Alot..
Sometimes I hate myself..
Why do I have to quarrel w my parents b4 I go out..
Why did I drop my pendant n made myself so fraustrated..
I just ain't good enough..
I did not do well..
Everything about me is all bad..
I can never make those around me happy..
No matter how hard I work, I will never be good enough for my parents..
No matter how much I do, I'm just so bad..
Why do I feel that I never improve..
Am I expecting too much from myself..
Or am I just lousy..
I blame everything..
The timing..
The luck..
The people..
I guess the blame should all come to me..

I'm really sorry..
I didn't do well enough..
I hope I can be forgiven..

Right or wrong?!

2011-09-16T06:23:00.001+08:00

There is no right or wrong..
Only how you feels..
The rights and wrongs..
Only acts on the decision that had been made..
Everyone just want to be happy..
No one wants to hurt anyone they truly care for..

The one that owns a sundae might not finish it and leave it to melt..
Not knowing how to cherish what they have..
The one who can't afford to owe a sundae, whom might only have a taste of it wants to own it and finish it all up..
Wanting so much to cherish what others have..
But in the end who the one that really own the sundae?
No one knows coz this is not the end of the story..

Focus...

2011-09-16T06:12:00.001+08:00

Hold it..
Stop it from going further..
Don't want to be hurt..
Know where I stand..
Don't expect..
Just give what I can..
Don't pressurize..
Don't get upset..
Get a hold on my emotions..
Be rational..
Don't be emotional..
Focus on what is more important..
Keep a clear head..
Ignore what the heart is feeling..
Think clearfully..
Work towards my goals..

Bear what others can't and I will go further..
Rational is the key..
Staying alive is to have a clear mind to survive..
If this don't get me down..
Nothing can be too difficult..
Believe in myself..
I know what I want..
Be patience..
Good things are worth waiting..
Take care of my health..
Dont think too much..
Lesser worries means better rest..

I am a vampire who wants to be a human..
Will I succeed?

Mooncake

2011-09-12T23:53:00.001+08:00

The moon is bright..
And the time just pass fast..
It's a new moon again..
Playing sparks n candles with the big children..

Hopefully good news come soon with the new moon shining so brightly..
Praying for all good things to come..
Must do what I need to do..
I believe in it..
And I hope for it too..
Do you believe too?

:)

2011-09-07T05:45:00.000+08:00

smile and troubles will stay away..
at least for the moment..

hate

2011-09-05T13:56:00.000+08:00

I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself..
I hate myself not able to sleep..
hate myself coz I think too much..
hate myself for not able to solve my problem..
hate myself to have made my best friend hate me and forgo me..
hate myself for being such a useless person..

2011-08-22T09:59:00.001+08:00

time to start writing again... =)

2011-08-22T09:57:00.001+08:00

moving forward..
going on..
WALK ON walk on!
FIGHTING fighting!!!

3 wks..

2011-08-15T05:12:00.000+08:00

trying to find a way to fight this loneliness inside..
the emptiness of the hollow where you have left..
my heart still beats for you even though you ain't around anymore..

why live on

2011-08-01T08:30:00.000+08:00

everything is gone..
u took it away when u left..
I just want to die..

想爱就爱

2011-07-15T08:10:00.000+08:00

电影好感人。。
因为很真实吗。。
因为反映了我内心的感受吗。。

真实的电影。。
有伤心的时候。。
结局是美好。勇敢的。。

那我人生的这场。。
在落幕之前。。
有可能也有这样的结局吗。。
会有这么勇敢的爱吗。。

hatred

2011-07-08T11:00:00.000+08:00

I can't help feeling the hatred inside me growing..
it's just eating into me..
eating whatever that's good in me if there is any..
I have fury and anger building up and there's no way to let out..
I feel frustrated within..
I don't know why I'm feeling this way..
why is everyone happier than me..
why are all these taking away my happiness?
or is there too much problems on me that it cover anything that is happy..
on the surface there is nothing wrong with me..
I laugh and smile like a happy person..
such a postive outlook..
but I'm struggling deep down..
this is tearing me apart..
why..why do I feel this way..
why do I hate everything..
I need to find the reason or to find a way to let this out..
but I can't find the reason nor a way to let out..
I do not have a solution..
will I go crazy..
what will I do..
what will happen to me..
will I die..
if so..will I get an answer........

hatred

2011-07-08T10:49:00.000+08:00

I can't help feeling the hatred inside me growing..
it's just eating into me..
eating whatever that's good in me if there is any..
I have fury and anger building up and there's no way to let out..
I feel frustrated within..
I don't know why I'm feeling this way..
why is everyone happier than me..
why is all these taking away my happiness?
or is there too much problems on me that it cover anything that is happy..
on the surface there is nothing wrong with me..
I laugh and smile like a happy person..
such a postive outlook..
but I'm struggling deep down..
this is tearing me apart..
why..why do I feel this way..
why do I hate everything..
I need to find the reason or to find a way to let this out..
but I can't find the reason nor a way to let out..
I do not have a solution..
will I go crazy..
what will I do..
what will happen to me..
will I die..
if so..will I get an answer........

2011-07-07T11:10:00.000+08:00

im really lost..
not knowing what to do..
no matter what i do things just don't seems to be going right
i pray for a better time
but it doesn't last
i don't know how long can i hang on
im feeling hatred within growing

im hating everything
i hate my life
i hate myself
i hate everything around me
i hate the pain
i hate the misery

push on

2011-05-09T22:48:00.001+08:00

I'm so tired..
I already taken couple days to rest n recover..
but I still feel so weak n tired..
I'm pushing myself to move on..
why did it become like that..
why did things turn out to b like this now..

avoiding

2011-05-09T22:48:00.000+08:00

maybe u don't think there is anything wrong..
but deep down you know there is..
I just hope we can really solve things and make it go better..
things are going nowhere like this..
we are not solving anything only running away from it..

drained

2011-05-09T22:45:00.000+08:00

I feel so tired and drained..
I hope to not be so weak and sick anymore..
I'm slowly losing my focus again..
I'm losing my strength to fight..
I need to work hard..
I need to clear the debts..
I must continue fighting..

.

2011-05-02T05:45:00.000+08:00

what is wrong..
what did I do wrong again..
why what u told me before doesn't apply now..
why do you have this 360 degrees changes..
are you sick and tired of me..
are you bored with me already..
if that's the case..
I will go away..
thank you for your love..

2011-02-10T13:13:00.000+08:00

i just want to make things right..
make things better..
but whenever i want to do that..
things just get worse,..
maybe im just trying too hard..
i guess i should just stop trying..

2011-02-08T22:35:00.000+08:00

it's chinese new year..
really do feel good about new year..
hope that everyone will do well in this new year!! =)

just watch some videos..
and once i stop..
it's empty again..
don't what to do..
scare to have the room so slient..
want to play some games to pass time..
but don't know what to play..
no interest as well..
do not feel like sleeping too..
started playing my mp3..
and blogging..

suddenly so scare to have nothing to do..
just want to make myself so busy to pass time..
....
....
....

i just stare into blanks moment ago..
dun even know what to type anymore.........
.........

2011-02-05T00:12:00.000+08:00

once again..it's the chinese new year..
time passes fast..
so much have changed..
there had been alot of ups and downs..
i am learning to cherish what i have now..
but it seems that i have lost it all already..
maybe i was too late..
it's just myself left here picking up the pieces..

listening to a song..
made my eyes blur again..
cant help feeling the loneliness..
feeling the emptiness..
i remember this saying..
"it's never too late to look back.."
but at this moment..
everything seems too late..
maybe in the future..
the right chance will come again..
i always hope and look towards the hope..
but it's also becoz of the hope that i always fall so hard..
and i cant pick myself up..
life is just so contradicting..

i just need to get used to being alone..
no one to grumble to..
no one to complain to..
no one to be here to take care of me when im sick..
no one to be called mine..
no one to share my problems with..
no one to spend happy times together..
it will just be me..and me..

no matter what..friends can only be around for that little time..
it's still totally different from someone who is willing to stay through out..
who is willing to be committed into a relationship to make things work..
to walk down the road with you..

overall..i still believe in love..
but i miss my chances..
so i don't think i will get it again..
if heaven pity me..
please give me back what i want..
i will promise to cherish and not give up..

2011-01-15T03:16:00.000+08:00

It feels like everything that happens seems like yesterday..
The happy days..
When things were not that bad..
When things are just simple..
I wish for a time machine to go back in the past..
But I wouldn't get that..
I can look forward to hope things can be the same as before..
I pray that things can be the same every night before I sleep..
I just want someone that loves me like I love her..
To be here and give me concern and love..
Is that so much to ask for..
Or is it just me who don't deserve all these..
Maybe I have to slowly reflect on myself..
If I really know myself..
That I am confident of making another happy..
Or maybe I should keep to myself and take all the pain..
And just let the other be happy with their life..
That I shd not make anyone else sad and unhappy anymore..

I keep asking myself..
Doubting my means and my ownself..

Just to comfort myself..
At least I used to have..
Better than I never had before..
Maybe I'm just not meant to have and enjoy this kinda happiness..
Im just fated to be all alone till the end..

我不应该再去伤害任何人
我应该静静的离开
带着我们曾经拥有的爱
自己一个人慢慢的走下去

2011-01-13T21:01:00.001+08:00

i was stupid enough to try and kill myself last night again..
and i was so foolish..
i could have saved everything yesterday..
but i didnt
i let my emo take control of me..
i am so foolish..
i really duno what to do to save everything now..
all seems gone..

2011-01-12T21:18:00.000+08:00

a fool i had been..
40 down..
cant balance alr..
listening to our duel..
mk me tear lk mad..
all had been lost..
that's it for me..
take care ok..
i really did love you..
we could been happy together..
i still think so..

2011-01-12T20:32:00.000+08:00

i just want to end it all..
you have said it out..
it's no and dun wan..

all along i tried so hard..
i wanted to make things work..
i really do not mind..
but the least i should get is at least have an assurance..
to know that even though i am the 3rd party..
even though im hidden..
i got you..
all i need was that to just get things going..
to get everything to fall in place..
but why..
why did things just keep repeating..
becoz i just cant get that acknowledgement and assurance
this is the main reason why for the past year..
we been arguing non stop
actually we really can be happy together..
without all these issues..
since i have to be the hidden one..
why cant i just get that little assurance from you..
now i know why..
coz you have finally answered me..

u know when i said i want to end my life..
i meant it..
and i meant it that you will not know..
20 down and more to go..

do you know i am in depression..
that everything seems so negative..
all i wanted was to get something positive from you..
to pick myself up and get out of the mess..
to know that after all i am loved..
i am still wanted..
not hanging in the midair..

alot of things happened..
alot of things changed..
afterall this is how i have to end..

becoz i aint strong enough to get myself out of this state..
bcoz i rely too much on love..
maybe that's my weakness..
something i can never overcome..

2011-01-10T23:39:00.000+08:00

Just a simple question..
Why can't u just answer me a yes or no..
Is it really that difficult..
That u must wait till u r back to tell me..
I was thinking why didn't the faint just hit harder break sumthing..
Or just hit my head harder so I can slp for a long time n Nt wake up..
To face such truth..
That I am not your commitment..
You will have your ways to scold Me and convince me..
Then I will end up thinking I am in the wrong..
I Shdnt have pressure u n disturb ur holidays..
I feel such pain that I cried till my eyes r so swollen..
That my eyes hurt so much..
Even though I sound okay on my SMS..
I just can't stop crying..
If it's meant to be it will be..
If you want me you need to tell me..
If you do not want me I will leave in peace despite how much it will hurts or even kill me..
I always thought that it can be very simple..
As long as we love each other it will do..
But now I dun even know if you wan this commitment with me or not..

2011-01-10T12:53:00.000+08:00

I thought I was fine..
And I will slowly win u bk after u come bk..
I had plans to bring go dinner and go out after my payday..
To go dating and win back ur heart..

Until today then I realise something..
I fell and injured my slip disc again..
I went to the doc n fainted there..
I fell straight into my face n hit my nose..
I didn't regain my consciences until moments later..
And I started having nose bleed..
The only good thing is that mum went to the doc with me..
She wanted to bring me to the hospital but I refused..
Thru out these moments the 1st person I thought of was u..
But u just ain't around when I needed u..
I can't call you coz u r w him..
And I might get a scolding from you that it ain't any big deal..
I'm still alive n kicking..

I thought over things and I rem u said before that you wanted my commitment when we were at yishun dam..
That being togt as a couple is an commitment..
But now you said that having a status doesn't matter..
Im really confused what is what..
Does that means that you do not wan to have any commitments with me anymore
And that your commitment only lies with him..
I'm all so ready and prepared to be commit into a r/s with you..
But it just ain't the case on your end already..
I just feel so confused..
I never hear anything from you at all these few days..
Does a msg really cost that much to not even just send me an SMS..
I feel so down and upset now I don't know what to do..
I guess when u r with him..
6 days without any news of Me is ok for u..
I don't know if I did piece everything in correctly..
But for now it seems this way..
Coz I wouldnt be hearing from you..

2011-01-07T02:14:00.001+08:00

I'm beginning to feel myself so alone..
I just keep looking at my phone..
Chkin my whatsapp every now and then..
Wanting to msg u yet I stop..
Coz I know u wun b able to see it n I wun b getting any msgs frm u too..
Yet I will still cont taking my phone trying to dial to you..
When I saw sumthing funny or when I want to tell u something..
It's just such a natural reaction to Me..
You..being the 1st person I will reach out to..
But you are so far away..
In the arms of sumone else..
And I'm starting to feel the distance btw us..
I'm Nt sure what this trip of urs will do to us..
But there is strong feeling that u will get closer to him..
And further away from me till I lost u completely..

I can't help comparing myself to him..
What did I lose out to him..
That I can't even have ur acknowledgement..
Yet he can have you..
To say you are his gf..
And I can only remain in silence..
I don't think he is any better looking than Me..
Nor smarter nor funnier..
I don't even think he loves you more than I do..
And I don't think you love him more than you love Me..
I dont think he earns more than Me now nor in the future..
Nor see that he is much capable than me..
I dont see him more concern about you and ur well being more than Me..
But yet I don't have that little nod from you..
If one day there is a choice that I need to give my life so that you can continue yours..
I will willingly give up mine for you..
Not that I don't cherish my life..
But this is how much I love you and what I will go to..
As long as I have your nod..

I miss you so much that I kept thinking you are around me..
I brush my teeth at the dish sink...
Looking over to the lil sink..
Thinking that I will see you brushing yours..
I make my bed and turn over to my left..
Saying good night darling..
But it's just all an illusion..
Coz everytime I look over..
Its just emptiness..
At that moment there feels like a hole in my heart..
I know you will think that im thinking too much..
That I'm making myself emo again..
But all these just happen..
I cant help it..
Why do I keep feeling I'm losing you slowly..
Coz there's nothing to really tell Me that I am not..
Maybe to you it doesn't make a difference..
If you are my gf or not..
But in fact it does..
It's a form of recongnition from you..
Of my existence in your life as someone you love..
It helps Me to balance my emotions and state of mind..
To gain comfort that even though I am the hidden one..
Even though I can never appear in front of your friends and family..
I am that important to you..
I am someone of a status to you..

I might be stubborn and self centered..
But I'm persistent with my love for you too..
I still remember you saying that I will not be the hidden one forever..
You telling Me that you want Me..
And you giving Me hope for us to be together again..

If one day you really leave Me..
You will take my heart away not a big part but the whole..
I know it will a very very long time for Me..
If I really can recover from it..
I will not trust nor believe in faith and love anymore..
I will not be the same anymore..
My world will crash down on Me like never before..
And I don't think I can ever pick myself up again..

When you Say that you will use Watever things said back at Me..
Im really afraid..
Coz most of the time I don't think before I say..
I'm so afraid of hearing you say things change..
ESP when it's about your promise to Me..
And the hopes you have given to Me before..
These are the only things that is helping Me go thru all these..
The only things that make Me firmly believe that you love me..
And you do want Me with you..
That you love Me more than anyone else out there other than your family..
Please don't take the only thing I have that bring my strength out..

You are my strength..
My motivation to fight..
The one that keeps My head up..
When I faced any difficulties..
You had always been a part of Me and my life..
But now you have become half of me..
The missing rib of mine..
Baby..you will be mine..
You have to believe in that too..
If you don't I can never make that happen..

I never love anyone like I did for you..
Love you as a friend..
Love you as a buddy..
Love you as my bitch..
Love you as my good friend for many years..
Love you as my girlfriend..
Love you as my ger..
Hope to be able to..
Love you like my soulmate..
Love you like my wife..
Love you like my life long partner..
Love you like my family..
Love you like my kids mother..
Love you ever and ever..in this lifetime..
And if there is another lifetime..
I want to cont loving you like this..

2011-01-05T01:09:00.000+08:00

im feeling very uptight and bothered
yet i cant display my emotions that it bother me alot..
i have to show that i let it go..
it aint nothing to me..
all i can do is to hold on to your words..
whatever you have said to me..

it really pains me..
deep down inside i just want you to acknowledge me..
but why is it so difficult..
just why..
i always thought im strong enough to face everything..
but im not now..
i can only swallow it down and bury it inside me..
but whenever it jump back at me..
it's too much emotion spill for me..

what do i really need to do to have your acknowledgment..
that we are together..
that we are a couple..
i really want to know what do i have to do..

will i ever know..
will you ever tell me..
i reali do not know..

2011-01-03T04:42:00.001+08:00

It's a new year..year 2011
It's supposed to be full of Hope
Yet I feel hopeless.
I know for the past year I been very emotionally unstable
Bcoz I'm on to something that is nothing
I can't hold on to it Bcoz it doesn't have any status
It made me very insecure and disoriented..
I know things will be very different if she is my gf..
But she just doesn't see that point..
No she doesn't..

I made a proposal To her
But seems like she kinda rejected it
Coz to her it doesn't mk a diff
But it will mk a big diff to us
Coz all the insecurity will slowly
Disappear and things will get better..
Coz that's how things will be like..
But it seems like this will never be revealed..

I just hope things will not get worse..
I have abt 3 hours left to slp n go wk..
But my head is spinning and my heart is in such pain lk Nv b4..
Everything seems gone n wash down the drain..
Everything I work hard for the past year..
The love n efforts I made to prove to her I want her..
It just doesn't seem to touch her heart..
She just don't want me anymore..
I feel like an abandoned child..
Seeking for refugee..
All I wanted was her love her heart and for her to acknowledge Me..
I failed..and she is just walking further n further away from me..
Closer and closer to him..
I have lost everything..
What use am I now..
I wonder..

2010-12-11T23:32:00.000+08:00

wanted to write something..
but mind is blank suddenly..
hanging here for afew mins..

flashbacks of months back..
we meet almost everyday..
you would come down to find me even on weekends..
we were so happy..

i never meant to give you pressure..
and make you go away from me..
i always miss you..
my heart had gone with you since the day we sealed out 1st kiss..
why can't you still trust me..

i understand i did broke your trust..
but what you do didnt really give me much assurance as well..

maybe you do things differently from me..
you can keep on saying about me going out with my colleagues..
not as if they are so beloved that i have to meet them all the time..
but you really dont have much times for me now and i just go dinner or pass time..
yet you do not know actually how much i yearn for you..

how much i miss you..
that i have this sour feeling in my heart..
how i wish to hold you to sleep every night..
how i wish i can have you all to myself..
how much i want to call you mine..
how much envy and jealousness in going inside me..
how i wish i am the one you bring out..
the one to attend all your friends' gatherings and parties with..

yes i should have seen it coming..
but i always believe in you..
that you said i will not be the hidden one forever..
i believe that one day..one fine day..
i will be your only one..
the one that stand beside you in all events..
i still believe..

2010-11-28T15:10:00.001+08:00

what can i say..
i have no rights on her..
she said she has no obligations to me..
she wasnt even mine to begin with..
im the only one who had this wish thinking..
why is it so hard for 2 who loved to be together..
maybe if there hadnt been so many obstractions..
times might have gone abit better for us..

maybe to her..
this had always been wrong..
she regert starting this with me..
it hurts..deep down inside..
not becoz of the things i done..
but becoz i never did..
and am still trying to make things work..
make things better..

i dont know if she feel the same..
the same as me..
that i still hope for a future with her..
that i want her with me the rest of this road..

i know she will tell me..
its not possible..
that things can only stay as it is..
but yet we were together before..
why cant it happen now..

before when i cry..
she will feel the pain..
but now when i cry..
she only feel annoy..

before when im unhappy..
she will try to explain and be there for me..
but now when im unhappy..
she cannot be bother anymore..

even as im writing..
tears roll down like it's raining outside..
no one will know..
no one will care..

i will continue with my smiling and laughing face that everyone sees now..
and maybe at least i will die smiling..

i still believe in her..
i believe that she still loves me..
i believe that our love hasnt been shaken..
i believe that she wouldnt lie to me..
i believe that she only loves me..
i believe that someday she will call me her girlfriend..
i really believe in all these..
no matter what she had said and done that might paths this belief in a different light..
i just believe..

im just so afraid..
one day she will tell me..
you are just decieving yourself..
in your own world..
i don't love you anymore..

i know i will be so broken down..
and felt so betrayed..
but i just cant imagine what i will turn into..

every road each of us takes..
is a lesson..
some learn from it and change thier thinking..
some just decided to follow thier heart still..

the only regert i have is that i should have told her that i love her years back..
i never wanted to turn back time and redo what i done..
but i really want to turn it back now..
10 years back..the night where i lay on her laps..
i should have summon my courage to tell her i love her..
the words held back at my thoart becoz i was too coward..
i lost it..so what now we are someway along best friend and girlfriend..
we aint even lovers?
i have lost..
lost to myself..
lost the sense to judge..
lost the sense to feel to do the right thing..
just becoming more emotional..
im just a sentimental old hag..
who wants her love so badly..

maybe it's true that the course of true love never did run smooth..
it all depends on the 2 person how strong they felt for each other..
and if they are strong enough not to let go of the love and faith for each other..

2010-11-28T01:04:00.000+08:00

Baby I didn't know you are so upset and pissed..
I didn't back off and cause u torments in 2 nights..
U sound like u don't want to see or hear from me..
I will back off then..
But my love stays..

2010-11-27T02:23:00.000+08:00

I hate myself for messing things up..
But why is it always me..
Why am I always so useless in ur eyes..
Why do I always sound so selfish to u..
Dun you feel that I care for u..
That I love you alot and I think for u too..
Seems like you put me down harder than it seems..

2010-11-06T22:19:00.000+08:00

just saw her post on fb..
she lost her trust in me..
i guess it's big time and really totally..
i guess no point saying so much or trying to explain anymore..
i already said what it is..
it's really up to her to believe..
and words now can't change anything..
hopefully my actions from then on will tell..
but i'm glad she is still willing to meet me..
at least not all that bad..
even though she don't seem as happy as before when she see me now..
but all i can hope is that this will get better in the future..

i miss her smiles when she see me..
i miss her touch..when she behave like a little girl in front of me..
i miss her lips..when she kiss me like she wanted me..
i miss all the happy times we had spend together..
i miss her care and concern for me..when she do all the little things for me even though she is tired..
i miss her love..which i can feel from the heart..
i miss her everything..

wish

2010-11-04T11:08:00.000+08:00

my birthday is coming..
I really hope she can spend my actual day with me..
I would love nothing more than that to happen..
I was thinking of booking a suite and spending some time with her..
and we can be as happy and loving as what we used to be..
but with what is happening now..
I do not know if things still can be as such..

my bday wish is......................

.

2010-11-04T10:53:00.000+08:00

I should have killed myself more than once..
I fuck things up..
I lose myself..
I became someone whom I dun even recongize..
I am so afraid to lose her..
bcoz she's the only hope and support I have left from the real me..
bcoz I love her so much as a lover and friend..

I became so afraid I don't even dare to hold my heads high..
I run and hide at every like signs of trembles..
that's not me..

I want her love back..
I want her to love me again like it used to be..
I shouldn't have lost myself inturn losing her love..
I feel so dead and strengthless..
I just want to hide from the whole world..
lock myself up somewhere and sleep forever..
So she would not get further away from me..
so time will heal the bad things and love can be back..
I really wish.....

.

2010-11-02T06:21:00.000+08:00

the pills are working its magic..
I can feel the head spinning..
but I guess i need afew more..
shd have bought drugs instead..
stronger and faster..
I think I must be crazy..
if I can see the sunlight tomorrow..
I will surely slap myself..
and scold myself so badly for doing such a thing..

I never done slashing before..
should I?
maybe it might take away the pain inside for a moment..
but I hate to dirty my bed..

last words

2010-11-02T05:45:00.000+08:00

u said it was happier with him..
my heart broke..
I'm still living in my world where I tot u love me..
that we stil can make things work..
even if u don't believe me..
but u r still the one..
i just want make things work..
I do all I can in this..
u said I do so in every r/s..
but never with the absolute trust to break my heart so badly..
esp with the trust of such a long friendship..
I'm not sure what was it for u..
but it had always been love for me..

I always thought that killing ownself had been a cowardly act and I will never do that to hurt myself..
but now I'm actually trying to kill myself slowly..
I know I should live for myself..
but now I don't see any meaning..
I don't see any light at all..
I don't even have hope..
I don't want to just live in my own world where I still hope bcoz today u told me it can never be..

u said time will tell..
when I tell u that u always b the one I love coz no one knows the future..
and by the time..Time tells..
it all change..
things r diff..
u might have left me..
but if u r the last one of my journey this will tell u that u r the one I love..
till the end of my time..

if there are any more posts after today..
it means I have failed in the slow killing..
if not.......

...

2010-10-29T22:23:00.000+08:00

I am always the wrong one..
I am always the sensitive one..
everything I do is not right..
u dint realize that u r not telling me the whole story of things..
u say 1 thing n avoid all the rest..
u expect me to let u do what u want..
u say that what is btw u n him is u n him and me n u is me n u..
but is there really no linkage?
me n him r involved with the same woman..
but he is ur bf n I'm only your best friend..
I should just shut my mouth n mind my own business n not irritate u until u will tell me that we are best friends n I have no rights in you..
and end up getting myself hurt..
I guess that's it..
that is what u have been trying to tell me..
i thought that I can understand this kinda relationship..
I thought I can just live with it..
I love u so much I just can't seem to live without u..
I just feel that I will die if u r not around..
I am sure I will b very lost n heartbroken..
but I do not want to be the hidden one anymore..

simple

2010-10-14T21:56:00.000+08:00

all I wanted was things to be back like before..
ur care n concern to be the same..
ur love to be as strong..
me picking myself up bits by bits..
slowly setting a strong hold..
sometimes I just couldn't read ur signs..
is not that I wan to think otherwise..
you need to understand that..
I really need you that many much..
what u say or do directly affects me..
too much to what I can handle now..
but i'm coping still..

2 sides

2010-10-08T12:45:00.000+08:00

to everyone I'm the strong one..
never falling..
no matter I will find my way..
smetimes I am really lost..
really weak..really so fragile I can tear at any instance..
I just hide this part of me away from everyone..
only afew of my trusted see thus side of me..
I been told to let out and indulge myself in the weakness..
I been told I am weak and should face the truth..
sometime I just need a corner to let the soft part of me come out and get some comfort..
I just hope you understand..
u r not easy to understand..
ur ways of doing things might not seem so clear to me..
I just lost myself in front of you..

own world

2010-10-08T12:29:00.000+08:00

I seem to be in my own world..
and I am going deeper into whr no one can find me..
I just can't seem to find answers to the questions..

mess

2010-10-04T12:02:00.000+08:00

I feel lk a mess..
I got myself in such a mess..
I feel lk drinking myself drunk..
slp thru the night and day..
why does it feel lk she is going to leave me..
why doesn't she answer me if she is happier with me or him..
i'm nt even in a r/s with her..that's what she said..
yet in my heart I take her as my gf..
but where does it stand coz to her..we do not have any status..
my heart feel lk so pain..I really can feel it burning..
my tears can't stop running..
I find it harder to breathe..

just tot of this sentence that someone once told me many years ago..
"who are the ones who will truely cry for me when I am gone..I would like to be present at my own funeral to see that.."

2010-10-04T01:53:00.000+08:00

I FEEL SO NEGLECTED!

2010-10-04T00:18:00.000+08:00

u don't know how i feel..
i just want to be the only one..
i know i can't..
but i just want..
why was i so bothered that u didnt call me..
coz when u need help..
i am not the 1st person you came to..
i am not the 1st one u went to..
i am not good enough to make u feel that way..
yes you are right..
u cant bring me in front of your mum..
but he can..
naturally as a rational u..u call him to send u..
maybe if i did have a job..
i have income..have money..
then all these do not need to wait till now..
wait till u need to ask him to do..
root cause..all my fault..
useless..
i thought i was good enough for you..
all these years..
i only keep the thought of loving you and missing you in my heart..
i never show and never do anything..
bcoz i always feel that i am not good enough..
i am not doing enough to make myself better..
to make myself richer..
to make myself more comfortable..
how can i take care of u..
i thought by now i can do it..
but the fact is im still not..
i am not doing enough to pick myself up..
i am not doing enough to make myself better..
i am throwing myself in state of emotions i cant control..
i cant control..coz i love u too much..
maybe i am just selfish..
i want you all to myself..
i dun wan to share..
i dont know how i can make that happen..
all u tell me is that it's not possible..
and it hit me to blackout..

moody

2010-09-27T03:57:00.000+08:00

I woke up and I can't stop crying..
I call and text you..
but there was no reply from you..
I don't know why that i'm crying but I just feel very moody..
I just need a reply from you..
just to make me feel better but where are you...

tears

2010-09-01T07:00:00.000+08:00

I'm crying so hard I don't know why..
I feel so down..
maybe just having mood swing..
but seriously now I really need someone to be just there for me..
someone flesh and blood in front of me..
I feel like I don't have anything or anyone beside me..
I got nothing..
I don't have a job..
I don't have income..
I don't have someone whom I call mine..
I'm just hiding the pathetic me in my room..
reality is here but I seems to be running away from it..
maybe tomorrow will be a better day..

fear

2010-08-31T11:09:00.000+08:00

what is together?
having status means together?
then without status means not?
can't it be together without status?
I tot all was spoken..
but the salt rub hard into the wound..
it stings and the heal wound ripped open..
it bleed more and ripped open bigger than the previous..
I'm feeling scare now..

2 is the key..

2010-08-10T12:14:00.000+08:00

things I yearn for..
seems like I will never get it..
sometimes I just want a word of comfort..
but I just don't get it..
just a simple thing to make me feel better inside..
to make me feel wanted..
make me feel that it's not a one way road..
I'm tired sometimes and little comfort is what I need..
it always take 2 to clap..
one can never do that nor move on for long..
does anyone get what I really meant....

2010-08-08T19:18:00.002+08:00

it's been months..
doing nothing..
everything still the same..

moving forward..
praying to get the main thing done..

once getting the confirmation..
can start planning for myself..

i was told coz im doing nothing now
that's why i think too much..

but does it mean that if im working
i wouldnt have the time to think..
is it not right to think and plan..
or maybe i got too much time on hand to think..

some say eyes can tell
despite the laughters and smiles..
but within you must look deep in..

i decided to just have fun and be happy..

2010-05-14T00:53:00.002+08:00

what is going on..
did i do something wrong..
really dun understand the reaction..

is it me..
am i really such a bad person..
everyone say i always want things my way...
but it's ok even when things doesnt go my way..
i will still try to make the best out of it..
am i not trying hard enough
or am i still not doing my best

but does anyone know what i really want..

2010-05-14T00:48:00.004+08:00

so fake..
everyone is so fake around you..
u need to stand up on your own feet and build a wall around..
just to protect youself..

sometimes you might not know what you have done..
and it just trigger the button!

you just tried so hard to be youself..
yet you realised life is about not being yourself..

u look around..
and you wonder who can you really trust..

2010-05-02T01:12:00.000+08:00

i dun want to be number 2..
i dun want to cry alone..

2010-04-17T01:56:00.002+08:00

weak..
sick on the 2nd week of work..
what does it makes me..

living a double life..
cant see a thing..
what is what now..

time for medication and to rest..
hoping tml will be better..

im not a mind reader..
i have no idea what is going on...

2010-03-03T14:23:00.004+08:00

this is really the end of the road..

thank you my dear..
for the 3 years of memories..
let's keep this beautiful memory..
and move on forward..

2010-02-12T14:16:00.001+08:00

what am i doing..
i need lots of sleep..
can't think clearly..
nothing going right..
hate this feeling..

2009-12-26T00:02:00.002+08:00

changes within 24hours..
so extreme and drastic..
it brought me thinking..
will this continue..
will things really be better after what happen..
or will it be back to square one..

still thinking.....

2009-12-20T17:17:00.001+08:00

what's going..
life is ever changing..
adapt to all changes and you need to immerse yourself in it fast..
find the right way..
or should i say find the right concept that fits your head..
one wrong move and you get fuck in the head..

im so fucked now..

2009-08-19T20:04:00.001+08:00

WAH RAOZ!!!!!

block my blog..................

hai wo want to log in and blog also cannot!!!
BLOCK SO LONG SUMORE!!!

look like a spam to you or not!

!@#$%^&*(!@#$%^&*@#$%^&@#$%^&

2009-06-15T19:54:00.000+08:00

angry..

abit..

bloated..

very..

2009-03-05T22:14:00.000+08:00

when will they ever grow up...
disappointed..

childish fuck..haiz..

2008-12-21T14:45:00.003+08:00

WOoHOo!!!
it's been a week of training!!!
and guess what..
i started my new job on the 15th of dec..
i was quite nervous when i first went..
but things kinda got better after 2 hours..
when we had our break..
LOL! the smokers in the group really hit it off straight!
after the 1st day of induction..
the 5 of us decided to go happy hour..
the session was really good as we can actually know more about each other..
i went off early as i was meeting my girl to go back home for dinner..

2nd day i had food posioning..
so i need to go to a doctor..
missed half a day training and stayed back to catch up..
the guys told me i missed it in the morning..
so there was so many funny happenings..

we brought out trainer out for dinner and drinks on friday..
she is real fun in class..
a very patient and nice lady..
she can be real funny too..

now i need to really study for my test tml..
i just feel like hanging myself ah!!!
i need to pack my room..
and prepare for xmas too..
-_-'''
busy busy busy..

2008-11-26T18:58:00.002+08:00

i just got a call saying i wasnt shortlisted for the 2nd round of interview..
i really wanted that job..
i feel so sway..

so much things happened today..
i shouldnt even have gone for any interview today..
i should have postponed all my interviews..
i should have gone for the tattoo for good luck..

i just feel like sleeping now..
dont feel like talking to anyone..

2008-11-26T17:49:00.004+08:00

arghh..
woke up this morning with a very bad cough and feeling feverish..
had to post my morning interview to friday..
hmm..it's a 2nd round of interview that you need to do a presentation..
*it's so difficult to get a job now and they are so strict on hiring..*

and the best thing is that my mum forgot to off the fire when she went out..
i was almost BURN alive in my own house..
i smell sumthing burning and when my mum ring me back..
i rush out of my room and all i see was smoke in my house!!!
at first i really think that my kitchen had caught a damn big fire..
thank godness that it was a small one but because the soup that my mum was cooking dry up..
it just kept burning the pot and if i shut in a min later..
i think my neighbours would have called the fire engine!!!

i was never in such a "smoky" situation before..
i can't see my living nor my kitchen..
it was kinda freaky if it really start burning..
all my thing would be GONE!
OMG! my collections..faint..

ask my mum if she had bought fire insurance..
and guess what... NO!!!
WHAT THE F***!!!
cant believe this..do you know how important that is!!!
urged her to get it ASAP!
i don't want any accidents to happen and end up without any compensation..
this is ridiculous man..

so i went for my afternoon interview..
and i need to stand on a stage to present myself infront of the HR manager and other interviewers..
i feel like im trying to sell myself out..
hahahahaha!
i think i only did so-so..wasnt really that good..
hopefully it was good enough to get to the 2nd interview..
so now i can only wait for news..

hungry.....time for dinner!!!

2008-11-19T14:39:00.002+08:00

shag shag shag!!!

right after my birthday celebration..
i got to start planning for 飞轮海 event at IMM.
it was done freaking tiring ..
was having hangover on sat yet i need to go for the training and mini briefing..

waking up damn early on sun as sun is the actual event itself..
started a new tag idea..
it seems abit cock up..
but already found a way to improve it..

let's pray that AE will be able to move even further..
=)

2008-11-19T14:33:00.002+08:00

ahhh!!! i just had my birthday celebration on 14th Nov Fri! hehehe..
older by 1 year already..so fast...
damn it..time pass damn fast..
really have a very good time..
went to MS hotpot culture for dinner..
and Plush for drinks..
i was "attacked" by mango cake!!!
omg..lol!
and kept drinking so much i dont even know what i had drank already..

hahaha!!! thank you all my friends for helpin me to celebrate my birthday!!!
and all my friends who had sms the wishes!!!!
你们有心了!!! 谢谢!!!

baby..thank you for arranging such a wonderful birthday cake surprise for me..
thank you for everything you have done for me..
=)

2008-10-14T18:31:00.003+08:00

i wanna run..
i wanna hide..
i just feel very down..
and i dont know why..

maybe i am still searching..
having no bacon is quite a tiring and stressful thing..

feeling very depressed coz having no bacon means no security..
my ger is very understanding and i feel even worse!
im so useless..
argHH!!!

it's our 2nd year coming..
im sorry not able to give the material pleasures..
i know u do not mind..
thanks for the support and all that you have done for me..
really made me feel better..

2 years and still counting..
2 years and still loving..
=)

2008-10-09T14:37:00.002+08:00

omg! it's been ten thousands of years~ lol!
yes yes..the blog is still alive..
not yet dead!
=p

maybe im the one who is dead..
that's why been neglecting my blog..

so much things had happened within this short month..
so many people so many incidents..
so many changes..

no matter what i still believe in brotherhood..
even though i was once thrown alone to face everything down under..

i believe in the rest of u guys..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the truth will come..
and dawn will break..
time will pass..
and it wouldnt wait..

the faith held strong..
we shall brave the storm..
years of fury release upon..
will the bridge hang on..

s.elf
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2008-08-08T16:45:00.001+08:00

everything just not going right..
i don't feel good yet i can't help it..

who truly understand what's inside..
no one knows..

2008-06-19T09:37:00.006+08:00

OMG!!!! what's happening!!!
i tried blogging..but!!!
1st i submitted my post and it error me and everything GONE!

2nd time..i was typing and the computer just blacked out!!!!

so much for trying to do some updates!!!
damn..

no mood to write anything now.....

2008-05-16T16:39:00.003+08:00

omg i finally can log into my blogger!!!
i had been trying and trying!!
but i really wonder why my IE will hang everytime i tried to log in!
stupid blogger...damn..lol!!

anyway i been on slacking mode for the past 1 week..
had quit my job 2 weeks ago..
waiting for this job offer now..
hopefully will get some good news next week..

been having problems sleeping at night..
tossing and turning like mad..
feel like a fried fish on a pan..
hahahahaha!!!
should be a FAT fish on a pan!
so my dear..i will tend to sleep later because of this..
=) she call me a blessed B@stard!!!
LOL!

im growing!!!
very fast and HUGE!!!!
damn~~~..
i have decided to start exercise next week..
lol..but no plans yet..
let me slack till this weekend then i shall plan plan here and there..
hahahaha!!!!

just went to the chinese doc..
starting to brew my medicine..
it looks black and smelly now..
arGhHh!!!!
faint...

2008-04-17T19:26:00.003+08:00

My cap has finally came from Korea!!!

YEAHHHHH!!!!!

Mushroom love! Thank you for buying me this present.. =)

2008-03-17T14:07:00.001+08:00

i just died..
maybe i really needed time alone..
maybe what you done is right..

maybe im just not worth it..

2008-03-01T23:57:00.002+08:00

oh man..i know im not been updating..
so sorry..
not really keeping updates with my life here..
haiz..
started with my new job..
doesnt seem so well though..

i have a nice manager..
quite a understanding fellow..
one colleague a uncle KIA (Know It All)
which i terribly CANT stand!!!
feel like slapping him sometimes..
argHhHh!!!
lol...

i miss HSBC peeps terribly..
with the craps of fellow mad friends..
and nice officers..

ahhhhhhhhh~!!!

i will try to get some photos up soon..
well well..
i got a new PHONE!!!
im going to take a pix of all my gadgets and put up!
YEAH SHOW OFF TIME!
hehehe..

bb..
i saw the post le..
thank u!!!
the mixed grill platter making me hungry..
hehehehe...

2008-01-21T16:38:00.000+08:00

lazy..
getting more and more lazy to update..

looking back the year..
i had brought new gadgets and been new places..
quite a fruitful year though..

just got back from bkk!!!
pictures to be uploaded soon!
it's all with her..
*ehem..when u wanna send me? lol*

next destination...taiwan? hongkong?

haiz..
am leaving hsbc soon..
actually am kinda sad..
been here for 1 and 1/2 years already..
well really did learn alot but humans must learn to move on..
hopefully i will be getting into a better place..

back to "ah long" calls..
LOL!!!
"hey..owe money pay money!!!"
everyone never fails to agree i have the collection face..
*roll eyes*

starting my new job soon!
pray hard! =)

just recover from fever..and now down with lao sai!
unbelievable!!!
hmm..just had to suffer fever during the last day of my bkk trip..

for now i need to clean up my room..
messy messy!!!

2008-01-10T01:45:00.000+08:00

new year new hope new resolution..
=)
and new holiday!!!
off to bangkok!!!!!!!!!!!!!
=)))))))))

back on 14th Jan...

to be continued. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

2007-11-28T20:33:00.000+08:00

TADA!!!!

the long awaited pictures of my new toy!!!

hehehe...
thank god i got it to keep me accompany thru my midnights..

PSP Slim (White)

The real deal...

MuahHAhHAhHh!!!!
Especially thanks to her..

she has a new bag too!!!
well..no pictures yet!
will upload soon..
hehehe..more gadgets will be coming up!!!
LOL!

2007-11-01T23:59:00.000+08:00

BABY HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's our 1st year..
and i hope to have more coming..
hugz..
love you so much..
you have been so sweet to me and i just LOVE you!!!
=)

=============================================================

my darling had given 2 lovely presents..
one is the 1st year anni present..
and the other is my advance birthday present..
she had put up our photos this one year in a photo album..
it was so sweet to just flip through and look at what we been thru..
"little char and scott..."

PSP slim is finally here!!!
long awaited..
wooHoOoO~!!!
THANKS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*photos will be up soon~!*

2007-10-26T02:23:00.000+08:00

just want to share something that i saw..

especially those who aint close or always aruging with thier parents..

brought me close to a tear..

i hope i can be more patient with my parents on the future..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*my gf told me this was read on a radio station..*

hope it touches your heart too..

2007-10-12T01:09:00.000+08:00

woOhoOoo~
im counting down..
nov is my month..
not only my aging month..
but a very very special date..hehe..
=)

and my psp is coming in 5 weeks time..
MuahAhhaH!!!!!
yes yes yes!!!
excited sia!!!
but sadly..there will be one more candle on the birthday cake..
well i will try not to think about that part..
hahahah!
i shall indulge in the present!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

maybe will try upload pixs next time..
my blog too wordy already..
hahahah!
but im a BIG LAZY BUM!
hehehe..
we shall see......

===============================================================

to my dearest:

in less than 3 weeks time..
we had been together for a year..
and it means alot to me..
we had learn more about each other thru out this year..
there were tears and laughter..
we had grown with each other..
bearing with each other's nonsenses..
laughing at our own stupid jokes..
loving more as each minute passes..
though at times we quarrelled and upset each other..
we both know how much it hurts the other..

i just want to say..baby thank you for being here all the way for me..
i love you.. =)

2007-10-02T03:42:00.000+08:00

u have got it all wrong...!!!

2007-09-26T12:08:00.000+08:00

hahaha..
i got a "star"..
unbelievable..
stay tuned..

2007-09-16T21:09:00.000+08:00

all's clear and im glad..
let's hope things stay that way..

=============================================

kinda inspired by jay's secret..
new movie with a pretty good plot..
love the OST of the movie..
2 thumbs up for the music in the movie..
not forgetting the theme song..

so currently im struck with this..

ktv anyone? lol..

2007-09-14T04:06:00.000+08:00

i cried myself to bed not knowing what i can do anymore..
i know i was wrong for neglecting you..
i will do anything to make you smile again..
but nothing seems to make any difference..

2007-09-09T11:55:00.000+08:00

im glad you enjoyed your birthday..
=)

anyway it's been ten thousands years i haven't been updating..
just came in to do abit of dusting..
alot of thoughts and plans..
but still waiting to be executed..
well since it's still a thought..
it shall not be pen down yet..

3 more months to my PSP..
im counting down down down..
i need a new phone very badly..
and when will that phone be launched!!!
-_-'''

2007-08-16T15:55:00.001+08:00

it was meant to be a surprise today..
but guess no more..
well..maybe there's more to come?
lol..
we shall see...

2007-08-08T18:56:00.001+08:00

no more...
haiz...
=(

2007-07-16T23:02:00.000+08:00

ok..i admit i have not been updating my blog..
sorry guys..
well July seems to be a rather busy month..
hahaha..
doing midnight the next 2 weeks..
and S.H.E are coming this month end too..
which means i wouldnt be having much rest on midnight too..

today is a great day..
went tanning in the morning..
badminton in the afternoon..
"Harry Potter" in the night!
woOohOoo~

hmm.."Harry" aint really that fanastic but still alright..
really just summarised the whole story in a 138mins movie..
if they can just show a drama series on that..
anyway the 7th book is coming..
let's hope the ending of the book is good..

it's fun when u kinda exercise and sweat it out..
but it's not fun when your fingers become the shuttlecock..
cant believe and i dont understand how did i do that..
i actually whack my left index finger with the racket and missed the shuttlecock!!!
DUMB!!!
and plus......it's damn PAIN!
so next time i will open my eyes bigger and stay focus on the target..
im trying very hard to do that..
my eyes aint that big though..
lol!

i know we had been agruing quite often recently..
little things we do seems to be getting on each other nerves..
throwing black faces and harsh words..
just hope this will lessen..
love you lots..