Saturday, July 31, 2004
:: what the hell m i..... ::
i felt a knife stab in the heart..
so deeply that no one can take the knife out..
what m i to u anyway..
a friend?
more than a friend, less than a lover?
or just someone u sympathise with..
i really do not know the answer..
what you intend to do or what you want me to do..
you never let known to me..
i only can stay on my grounds and wait for your command..
i feel so much like a toy..
so much like a nutcracker..
only when you wind i move..
when u don't bother..
i just stay in that corner where no one will notice..
it hurts me when i see you so excited over someone esle..
when your heart beats faster for someone else..
when you blush for someone else..
i felt like i don't even exist..
i felt like a nothing..
i hate that feeling..
i had done all i could..
i give in everything i had..
i put in all my efforts..
so what else shall i do now..
u made me feel that you are taking me for granted..
u made me feel that what im doing is unappreciated..
u made me feel that nothing i do will help..
u made me feel that im the only trying so hard to make things work..
it takes two to clap..
when one is the only one trying so hard..
sooner or later..that one will die of tiredness..
die of heartbrokeness..
die of hopeless..
die of eternal pain..
i'm drowning in the sea of sorrow..
struggling to keep afloat..
but i can feel myself sanking..
tiredness and hopeless make me unable to reach the shore..
drowning..dying in the sea of sorrow and pain..
-crying in pain..is all i can do now...-
:: it's just me.. :: 7/31/2004 12:36:00 AM
Sunday, July 25, 2004
:: my mind is blank... ::
i don't know why but i just went blank suddenly..
just don't know what should i say..
seems like i can't say anything..
haiz..
did i do anything wrong again..
i'm walking in a fog..
just walking straight on..
hoping to be able to get out of the fog soon..
hoping i will see the clear blue sky soon..
the more i walk..
the thicker the fog gets..
i held on to my faith..
every step i take..
take away the strength in me..
my hope kept me going..
but i know the more hope i have..
the harder i will fall..
but i have no choice..
without hope..i wouldn't have gone so far..
i wouldn't have dreams nor goals..not even plans for the future..
when will i see the sun..
upon the clear blue sky..
:: it's just me.. :: 7/25/2004 12:51:00 AM
Thursday, July 22, 2004
ahh..back in the office after lunch..oh man..tons of work coming in today..still have alot of things haven't update into the data!!! feng diaoz~ hope can finish up by today then don't need OT..can go home rest, slp and stream..
so sorry to my touch512 staffs..these few days not able to stream and help out when the station needs people..haiz..everyday reach home around 11pm+ 12am..no choice..
hehehe..actually feel quite happy at times these few days even though not very hopeful..really need alot of time to get her back..my mood really does sway alot towards what she does..
i don't mind starting from stratch..i hope really to get you back and fulfil the dream we had..i must jia you..even though alot of times i met disappointment, it's not your fault, u can't possible make anyone always happy, there will always be unhappiness at times..it only depends on how you solve the unhappiness..
wo men yao yi qi jia you wor.. =)
only a few hours ago she went to camp and i have started to miss her..but im glad im busy today so can take my mind off things..kept telling myself don't anyhow think but at times just so natural to think like that..haiz..
got a feeling that work is getting busier slowly..hmm..must learn to do things fast, not stop making the mistakes..haiz..kept forgeting to fill in some stuffs.. -_-' really got SSTM..waHAHhhaHh!!! must becareful lo..then everytime colleague pass back to me to write till i bu hao yi shi..
now is still lunch time..playing S.H.E songs on my computer, then heard Ella's voice, suddenly remembered how she smile to me in J.B..lol!!! funny sia..hmm..feel like going KTV soon..but must wait for her come back from camp first..later she say me never wait for her to go..lol!!! then tio suan by her then jia lat.. -_-'
aiya! got the da bian feeling coming in..gtg!!! ciao all my friends~
playing on WinAmp: S.H.E - Mo Li
:: it's just me.. :: 7/22/2004 01:09:00 PM
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
i just changed my outlook for my blog..
will be helping a fren..just a fren i guess..haiz..
to do hers as well..
hope to be able to complete hers before she go camp..
maybe will help her do so during my lunch time tml..
:: all is just an illusion... ::
i thought im going to have you back..
it only turned out to be an illusion..
i really want you so badly..
i can't care less for myself..
there are so many times that i want to just hold you in my arms..
kiss you on your cheek..
hold your hands so tightly..
telling you about the dream we used to have..
guess i got to wait..
it's going to be a long wait..
but my love for you will keep me going..
i hope.....
:: it's just me.. :: 7/21/2004 01:07:00 AM
Monday, July 19, 2004
:: a day of pain... ::
cramps are killing me..
i can only roll on the bed..
i drag myself to work..
almost died in office..
i hate today..
:: i'm lost..so lost.. ::
i need help..
tell me what we are now..
when you are happy..u hold my hands..
when you are not..you attitude me..
you told me you are scared to lose me when you are drunk..
but i don't know if to believe or not..
if you really are scared..
let me know..
i will hold you in my arms and say i'm always here..
like what i had done before..
i'm more scare of losing you..
you kept blowing hot and cold towards me..
please let me know what is it that you want..
you made me feel you are taking me for granted..
will you cherish me the way i cherish you?
will you love me like the way you did before?
what is it you want now?
haiz..
i need alot of answers..
argHhhHh!!!
where's my light..
my direction..
my answers to all my questions......
:: it's just me.. :: 7/19/2004 10:27:00 PM
Thursday, July 15, 2004
:: gonez are the days..... ::
i had a dream..
a dream of you and me..
i thought we can make the dream come true together..
but you woke me up before it even started..
i woke up in tears..
feeling the deadness around me..
the pain had once again numbed me..
i see no point in fighting on..
what belongs to both of us are no longer around..
i need the motivation..
the goal to carry on..
even if it's for myself..
how happy can i get..
i rather be fighting on for the sake of you and me..
it makes me happy even though it's tough and difficult..
but for now..
i only have myself..
i can only start on the dream..the plan we had on my own..
but i can't stand strong for long..
as i see no directions in where i'm fighting..
i'm awaiting for the day that our dream can be realised..
but will that ever happen..........
playing on WinAmp: Westlife - Fool Again
:: it's just me.. :: 7/15/2004 12:40:00 AM
Friday, July 09, 2004
:: lost..... ::
u said you will treat me as a friend..
but it seems like im always last on your list..
when i need sumone to talk to..
u said you will be there..
but you didn't..
when i ask you out..
you always say you are busy or you have sumthing on..
if you really don't want to see me..
please let me know..
don't put me down in disappointment time and time again..
it really wasn't easy for me to stand up slowly..
please don't put me down anymore..
i can't treat you like a normal friend 'coz i care too much..
i can't not talk to you 'coz i miss you too much..
i can't lose you 'coz i love you too much..
but does all this really matters to you..
i really don't know..
it seems more like you are treating me less than a normal friend..
even your normal friend see you or talk to you more than i..
if you can't take the fact that i love you..
i rather leave you..
than to trouble you to avoid my calls..
if you really don't care anymore..
please don't tell me you will be there..
if you don't want to see me..
please just say so..
if you really treat me as a friend..
you will at least make an effort to make time and meet up..
if you really care as a friend..
you will call back when you know im not feeling right..
the pain is coming back again..
maybe it never had left..
maybe i should leave instead..
just leave everything behind me..
i really tried standing up..
but it was just difficult..tiring..
the tears never stopped..
the pain never left..
it's time i leave everything behind..
it's time i step out of your life..
bye dear..guess i would have anymore chance to call you that..
i wanted to give you everything..
i wanted to protect you from all harms..
i wanted to stay with you always..
i really really love you more than anyone else..
but it's time for goodbye..i love you..
:: it's just me.. :: 7/09/2004 12:33:00 AM
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
普通朋友
等待 我随时随地在等待 做你感情上的依赖
我没有任何的疑问 这是爱
我猜 你早就想要说明白
我觉得自己好失败 从天堂掉落到深渊 多无奈
我愿意改变 (what can I do?)
重新再来一遍 (just give me a chance)
我无法只是普通朋友
感情已那么深 叫我怎么能收手
但你说 I only want to be your friend 做个朋友
我在你心中只是 just a friend 不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白
但我给你的爱暂时收不回来
So I 我不能只是be your friend
I just can't be your friend no,no,no,
我不能只是做你的朋友 不能只是做普通朋友
i never had a last chance..
i guess i never will..
ur life's getting happier everyday with the one you like..
guess it's really time for me to go..
totally step out of your life..
im trying very hard to stay away..
im suppressing what i feel inside..
everyday i pretend to be happy..
bury myself in work..
try to stay as late as possible to finish up everything..
i hate to go home..
i hate to face myself alone in the room..
i just feel so lonely..
so unwanted..
and the pain just get more and more unbearable..
i need to get rid of the pain ..
i dun wanna be a zombie wearing a mask..
i dun wanna pretend to be anymore..
deep inside me..im NOT happy at all!
im devastated..tired..sad..lost..
the pain in my heart is really taking over me..
everytime i feel tears coming..i will take back everything..
i hate to cry..
i hate to stare blankly in front of my computer..
i hate to tear in front of the computer..
i hate to cry myself to sleep..
i hate to wake up the next morning like a dead person..
i really need you back..
but you just don't know..
only you can stop the pain in me..
only you can stop my pretendance..
i need your love..
but you have already given it to someone else..
what's left of me is just a empty shell..
w/o love..
w/o feelings..
w/o thinkings..
w/o a life..
just a walking dead..over taken by the pain in the heart..
:: it's just me.. :: 7/06/2004 10:13:00 PM
追
这一生 也在进取 这分钟 却挂念谁
我会说 是唯独你不可失去
好风光 似幻似虚 谁明人生乐趣
我会说 为情为爱 仍然是对
谁比你重要 成功了败了也完全无重要
谁比你重要 狂风与暴雨都因你燃烧
一追再追
只想追赶生命里一分一秒
原来多么可笑
你是真正目标
一追再追
追踪一些生活最基本需要
原来早不缺少
HA...... 有了你 即使平凡却最重要
好光阴 纵没太多 一分钟又如何
会与你 共同渡过 都不枉过
疯恋多 错误更多 如能从新做过
我会说 愿能为你 提前做错
一追再追
只想追赶生命里一分一秒
原来多么可笑
你是真正目标
一追再追
追踪一些生活最基本需要
原来早不缺少
HA...... 只得你 会叫我彷彿人群里最重要
有了你 即使沉睡了 也在笑
haiz..if what you have been chasing after is all just a false image..
what you are really after has all just been an illusion..
all the little hopes you thought is going to make things work are just hopes you have been trying to decieve and console yourself..
and when you are hit by reality then u realised..
the hurt is just bringing you down..
i had used the last strength..last energy..
last effort i had to try and make things work..
but it seems like a one way road..
and it has come to an end..
does anyone realised i have been trying so hard..
pushing all i haf..
im totally drained..no will to fight..
no strength to move on..
nothing..i really have nothing left..
where can i go now..
i need a light..
i need a direction..
i need strength..
but there's nowhere i can go..
just darkness..tiredness..
and sadness with me..
my heart is broken..totally smashed..
i can't even see the pieces..
i never thought i would cry again..
the last tear that dropped is my last strength..
i just wanna disappear and get away..
i dun wanna feel the heart tearing hurt anymore..
i dun wanna to feel like killin myself..
im happy that you have found sumone..
but i can't help feeling the PAIN..
the pain that's enuff to kill and take away my soul..
i dun wanna be treated like a fool anymore..
i dun wanna live at your will..
i need a way out..
what/who can heal me from my wounds..
time can never cure..
time will only numb the pain in me..
i dun wanna be a walking zombie..
w/o a light of life in me..
i just wanna disappear from the surface of this world..
just kill me...
playing on WinAmp: Leslie Cheung - Zui
:: it's just me.. :: 7/06/2004 01:14:00 AM
Sunday, July 04, 2004
i realy don't understand..
how did our love die so easily..
don't you cherish the times we had..
the happy times..
the times when we can't wait to see each other..
the times when we miss each other so much..
the times when we wanna see each other eveyday..
and now..u have found sumone else..
im happy for you..
but i cant help feeling pain inside me..
it's so unbearable..
i feel lk dying..
kill me please..
:: it's just me.. :: 7/04/2004 10:07:00 PM
seems like you have found a new love..
there's nothing for me to fight for anymore..
life has no meaning..
what can i do..
playing on WinAmp: B.A.D-Wo De Cuo
:: it's just me.. :: 7/04/2004 10:05:00 PM
我的错
飞机已离开机场
你选择了前往你的方向
不再迷惘
忘了我们爱的过往
忘了我给你的伤
学会坚强
从前的我不懂你牺牲多大
为我失去朋友不讲
还放弃了所有梦想
觉得没怎样
不会将心比心去想
让你慢慢慢慢失去了希望
能不能够再给我机会好好的爱你
我会仔细的聆听
你对我说的一言一语
我会学会去控制脾气不让你伤心
对你好好的去珍惜
请你相信我的心还是爱你
我想再重来一次
回到过去弥补你的伤
没那种事
怎么做才能够停止
后悔竟伤你如此
不再放肆
为何总到失去才懂的难过
当你在我身边的时候
总是为我默默守候
都是为我的错
错过这难得的拥有
就让你爱我的心慢慢溜走
能不能够再给我机会好好的爱你
我会仔细的聆听
你对我说的一言一语
我会学会去控制脾气不让你伤心
对你好好的去珍惜
请你相信我的心还是爱你
this song just totally hit on the right spot..
:: it's just me.. :: 7/04/2004 03:09:00 AM
Saturday, July 03, 2004
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
i could have flooded the whole place with "i miss you" but..it doesn't help nor matters coz you don't care anymore..then y do i still feel hurt when i cherish n care n LOVE you more than ANYONE else out there...
can anyone pls tell me..
:: it's just me.. :: 7/03/2004 03:47:00 AM
