Friday, March 31, 2006
did i like just because i want to like?
did i feel just because i need to feel?
or is it just like the spring flowing down the mountain..
the waves in the ocean..
is it so empty in the nutshell that you just want to fill it up..
is the paper so blank that u got to start scribbling on it..
is it so quiet you just got to scream your lungs out..
patience is what i need now..
been waiting too long for a direction..
it's getting into my head..
even though i don't have much confidence i will get it..
but i still pray and hope..
sometimes i just want to scream out so loud i cant even hear myself..
just to cover the numbness in me..
:: it's just me.. :: 3/31/2006 11:24:00 AM
Monday, March 27, 2006
rain has raided my area this few days..
nice cooling weather for sleeping..
very slacky feeling as well..
well..still on the lookout for jobs..
sending of resumes..
interviews and interviews..
but all just end there..
without much news..
praying and hoping everyday..
still waiting for my pay to come in so i can clear my bills too..
everything goes like the weather..
moving slowly..coolly..
at this rate..i will turn into a fossil soon..
oh man! what's going on..
:: it's just me.. :: 3/27/2006 02:03:00 PM
Friday, March 24, 2006
suddenly i just feel tired of everything..
no longer excited over anything..
like everyday just pass by the same..
guess im really getting immune and numb to everything..
was listening to evonne xu songs today..
suddenly thought of her..
kinda miss her singing..
smoothing and nice..
especially when she sings evonne xu songs..
i really wonder how she is already..
it's been a long time since i talk to her..
i sincerely hopes she's doing well and fine..
:: it's just me.. :: 3/24/2006 12:38:00 AM
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
im going mad..
yes..
M A D!
almost all the students keep saying im geradine lookalike..
ahHh~!!!
not at all..
i dont even look like her..
hmm..im not as pretty as her..
hehe..
im taller and skinner..
LOL!!!!
madness..
my voice also not the same as her..
feng diao le...
:: it's just me.. :: 3/22/2006 10:33:00 PM
Monday, March 20, 2006
| You Are 20 Years Old |
 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
:: it's just me.. :: 3/20/2006 01:02:00 AM
| How You Are In Love |
 You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.
You tend to give more than take in relationships.
You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.
You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.
You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard. |
:: it's just me.. :: 3/20/2006 12:55:00 AM
| Your Love Element Is Earth |
 In love, you have consistency and integrity.For you, love is all about staying grounded and centered.
You attract others with your zest for life and experiences.Your flirting style is defined by setting the scene, creating a unique moment in time.
Steady progress and stability are the cornerstones of your love life.You may take things too slowly, but you never put your heart at risk.
You connect best with: Fire
Avoid: Wood
You and another Earth element: need each other too much to build a good foundation |
:: it's just me.. :: 3/20/2006 12:49:00 AM
| Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage |
 You've dated enough to know what you want.And that's marriage - with the right person.You're serious about settling down some time soon.Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to! |
:: it's just me.. :: 3/20/2006 12:37:00 AM
| The Keys to Your Heart |
 You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was arrogant, acting like the dictator of your life.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now. |
:: it's just me.. :: 3/20/2006 12:35:00 AM
| Your Inner Child Is Surprised |
 You see many things through the eyes of a child.Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded.You cherish all of the details in life.Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things. |
:: it's just me.. :: 3/20/2006 12:27:00 AM
| Your Love Life Secrets Are |
Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.
You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?
You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.
In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.
A break-up usually comes as a shock to you. You always think things are going well. |
:: it's just me.. :: 3/20/2006 12:24:00 AM
| Your Life Path Number is 9 |
 Your purpose in life is to make the world better
You are very socially conscious and a total idealist.You think there are many things wrong with the world, and you want to fix them.You have a big idea of how to world could be, and you'll sacrifice almost anything to work towards this dream.
In love, you can easily see the beauty in someone else. And you never cling too tightly.
You are capable of great love, but it's hard for you to focus your love on one person or relationship.You have a lot of outward focus, and you tend to blame the world for your failures.You are often disappointed by the realities of life - it's hard for you to accept the shortcomings of the world. |
:: it's just me.. :: 3/20/2006 12:11:00 AM
Sunday, March 19, 2006
| You Are 53% Addicted to Love |
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love.
You've been a fool for love many times - but are you the wiser for it?
Your needs should come first, both in and out of relationships.
Because you're the only one who can look out for yourself! |
:: it's just me.. :: 3/19/2006 11:57:00 PM
| Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover |
 You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires.
And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek.
You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships.
It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is. |
:: it's just me.. :: 3/19/2006 11:56:00 PM
| You're a Playful Kisser |
 Kissing is a huge game for you, a way to flirt and playYou're the first one to suggest playing spin the bottle at a partyOr you'll go for the wild kiss during a game of truth or dareAnd you're up for kissing any sexy stranger if the mood is right! |
:: it's just me.. :: 3/19/2006 11:51:00 PM
<< 是我不好 - Kelly 陈慧琳 >>
我都醉了
灯光在我眼里都模糊了
为什么还清清楚楚记得
那天那句要我把你忘了
怎么能忘了
除非不呼吸
走到哪里才躲的掉回忆
离别就是让人怀疑着自己
连恨不恨你都不能确定
也许这一切都是我不好
是我不知道只有真心留不住女人一个拥抱
就算眼泪会是温柔的手烤可
是爱如果是求来的
我也不想要
是我不好
是我还忘不掉
心痛只能用时间来消耗
毕竟当初是我选的一个
给不起我永远的人
就算是我不好
:: it's just me.. :: 3/19/2006 02:49:00 PM
Friday, March 17, 2006
suddenly i just feel very lost..
i don't even know why..
am i neglecting something or someone?
is it me or what else..
but why i feel this way..
will this be another drama..
how i wish i can look into the future now..
so that i would do another wrong decision..
guess i need to think also..
you wouldnt be the only one needing time alone..
i need some answers.....
:: it's just me.. :: 3/17/2006 01:43:00 AM
Monday, March 13, 2006
finally im back from the 3 days camp..whole body was aching all over like mad!!!
really getting old man..too long never exercise..
the kids are really full of energy!!!
it was truly fun and im glad to be able to make it for this camp..
Day One 10th March Friday
Well as trainers we got to be early for the briefing..
reach Northbrooks @ 12.30pm..
and i realised i was early..
unbelievable..coz im normally late..
LOL!
Lynette and Clarence came in later and we went to AVA for a briefing..
Tham, Micheal and Kelvin was there already..
Tham actually came in the morning doing logistics..
reali is xin ku him already..
then we have to get the stuffs needed later to the hall..
arrange the kids according to thier secondary levels as we need to take thier attendance..
i was taking the sec. 3 attendance..
then i saw Pei Qi, Gwen, Li Zhen, Eunice, Eileen there..
they are all in the archery enrichment program..
when i saw Pei Qi..just cant help suaning her..
lol! her reaction damn funny..
after that they were to spilt into thier own groups to play crazy airway..
end up they run around like mad people!!!
can u imagine the whole hall going to collaspe soon?!
lol!!! madness..
when they were given the ultimate solution for the game..
all was like..chey!!!
then they had this D.I.S.C test..
and it proves that this school really got alot alot of monkeys!!!
hahahaha!!!
by this time Si Hui came down also..
was disturbing Pei Qi saying that her maths fail la..
she really cannot count!!! lol!!!
den Gwen kept smiling and smiling..
she really can laugh at anything and everyting!!!
Li Zhen is the best~ pack so many tibits to the camp..
like as if she open mama shop like that!!!
after the test..i campus took over and they went to pitch thier tents..
so finally we got our breaks..
Tham and Si Hui went Yishun Central to pack our dinners..
chicken rice!!!
so we went to get ready for the night games and briefing..
and eat our dinner..
it was really "meatless" chicken rice..
u can only see bones and rice..poor us!!!
but we were all too hungry for words and eaten everything!
after the kids pitch thier tents we went to see if they had properly done it..
we wouldn't want anyone to be sleeping halfway with the tents on thier face..
or when it rains they be soaking wet..
that will be a very very funny sight!!!
some of the girls were unable to peg the tents properly..
so me michelle and lynette went around trying to help them peg it in..
the soil were so hard that it was quite diffcult for the pegs to go in..
actually it was sand not soil!
forgot to pour some water in the ground to soften the area..
all's well as the i campus were there..
after pitching the kids went for thier dinner..
all of them were STARVING!!!
they had to sing thier school song before they can start dinner..
everyone were singing like really loud..
but they actually cut short the song..
lol!!! best of the best!
and when Justin (i campus) told them they are going to cook for thier own food..
they almost go into a riot!!! waHAhahAhah!!!
so everyone collect thier solid fuel and food and mass tins..
they started cooking..waiting for the water to boil..
the solid fuel really sucks big time!!!
the fumes and smoke choke me to the max!!!
i really wonder how can they ever manage to cook and eat like that..
at this moment we got a special guest~ "froggy!!!"
yes..don't know from where came this little frog..
must be attractive by the"nice" smell of the food..
create abit of attention..
almost killed itself by jumping so near the fire..
some of the girls were like screaming as it jumped so near thier mass tins..
so Si Hui pass me a plastic and i was trying to catch it..
i tried to be as gentle as possible as i don't want to crash it..
but the stupid frog kept jumping everywhere..
finally i got it and Tham took it sumwhere else to release it..
then the TAF had to hurry up finish thier food and go up the halls for activities..
the programs were delayed back for about 1 hour..
so everyone got to chop chop and hurry up..
the i campus took the green group..
and we took the yellow group..
the activities planned for the yellow group was the night maze and nitro crossing..
for the night maze they had to crawl under tables and go through obstacles..
all in the dark..without a single light..
for the 1st time..they have thier leaders to lead them with the touchlight shining upwards..
2nd time the leaders join them and it was total darkness..
the best part was one of the groups actually went the wrong way..
end up both were struck..
lol!!!
actually this game is to let them know about the fact that experience is very important..
if you done it the 1st time..
you will be more farmiliar the 2nd time..
even though it was much difficult the 2nd time..
for nitro crossing..they have to move together at the same time..
testing thier unity and communication..
the group i took wasn't really that united but i can see them doing thier best at the end of it though..
hopefully they are able to learn through it and have fun as well..
finally it's lights out!!!
i thought i could finally sleep..
but i was wrong..
those monkeys are full of energy..
there are really a few that stayed up and talk through out..
my sentry duties are from 4.30pm to 6pm..
buddied with Michelle..
before we went to rest..
we dis a few rounds..
then talk to a few of them..
i remember got this 2 girls very guai lan..
ask them why don't sleep..
tomorrow be very tiring..
shoot back say "cher say must at least one person stay awake"
ok lor..then had a few words exchange..
but it was too dark cant see thier face properly..
so i shone my touch and told them..
i will remember thier face and find out thier name..
lol!!!
end up when we rest i also didnt really sleep..
but it was like freezing when i got up for suties!!!
walking around the field at that hour..
there were already a few of them that woke up to bath as they werent allow to bath before that..
so after 6am me and Michelle went back to nap again..
only had less than half hour rest and got to go sentosa.....
Day Two 11th March Saturday
Today is the Sentosa day..
all of them were very excited..
expect for the trainers..
we know we going to have a very LONG and TOUGH day..
lolx!!! imagine handling a group of monkeys..
the kids went for their morning exercises..
i was still like half asleep..
dragging myself to the parade square..
doing some stretches and all..
then proceed to breakfast..
as usual they have to sing thier school song..
and i can see thay hate it..
hahaha!! but what to do when you want your breakfast..
after that we are in charge fo the greenies..
their morning trip to sentosa..
they went for a briefing @ the AVA room..
arranged them into thier 8 groups..
was passing them pens and papers for thier attendance marking..
and i spotted that 2 michevious girls last night..
smiled cheekly when i collected thier paper..
told them i remember them from last night!
lolx..saw thier names and classes and reg no.!!!
yes..class 4B reg no. 13 and 14..
Esther Yeo and Zeng Jing..
so we trainers went to just get a group and we be guiding them..
at least i was attached to this group..
but they were quite blur so end up me and Michelle exchanged groups..
and guess what!!!
i end up with that 2!!!
-_-'''
yes..the best is yet to come..
so i proceed with them and went up the bus..
so they kept asking me for my name..
told them call me CK and they not satisfiy!!!
ask n ask n ask..
the group consists of 7 people..5 girls and 2 guys..
Charlene, Esther, Jing, Stephanie, Hiadayah, Kelvin, Randy
the 5 girls are just mad..
guess there's no better words to describe them..
lol!! they are really full of energy..
crapping through out the bus ride..
talking non-stop..
kept disturbing me..
kept calling me and doing the point here point there thingy..
and all the trainers in the bus all kana same fate..
but not as jia lat as me..
coz i was thier in charge..
ke lian de wo~
then they even thought of thier cheer and group name on the bus..
that was the birth of the RECHARGABLE BATTERIES!!!
and i was suuposed to be the charger..
-_-'' lame ah..
lolx..got to admit they are quite creative..
when we reach there..Kelvin gave us a short briefing..
and Micheal tag along with our group..
heng ah..i ten thousands years never go sentosa already..
at least he know his way better..
lolx..
so we run around like mad!!!
YES!!! RUN!!!
the girls are mad!!!
esp. Esther and Jing!!!
whenever i say dun run la..i very old liao..
they kept chionging and chionging!!!
madness!!! they just want me dead lah!
these 2 sec 4 really the heads sia..
when we were at the dragon trail..
Charlene just cheong to the falls and climb up to get the clue..
wah jamz..had to climb up as well.. in case she fall into the water..
i fall never mind if they fall then jia lat
really is bunch of monkeys..
and they are sOoO funny duno walk the trail for HOW MANY TIMES!!!
oHh i remember there was this part when our dearest Jing was talking to duno who..
and i was just beside her..
suddenly she just jump and scream!!!
OMG that was VERY funny!!!!
u see her always act cool..suddenly bcoz of a moth bcum like that!!!
REALLY CANNOT HELP BUT ROFLOL!!!!
then whenever Esther got the compass and map to look for the way..
i will just smile at her and ask..u sure that's the right way..
she be sure to give a uncertain look..and point hesisately..
OMG!!! that look is like..SO CUTE!!!
wahAhHAhHAhah!!!!!
they really made my day and i just LAUGH my way through!!!
then Charlene will always say..quick..eye contact..
to hint her so they wouldnt go the wrong way..
but i will always look away..
lol!!!
so when we end up at the beach..
it was mid noon..burning my skin like mad..
i got no idea why they LOVE to walk in the sand!!!
when there's normal pathway they can walk..
and Jing n Esther LOVE to step on my shoes...
that's why i LOVE them so much as well!!!
my legs are like dying soon..
we had a short 5-10mins break..
so i went to get a puff as well..
thank god i had that puff if not i wun be able to survive through out!!!
we passed by a 7-11 and i sw that they were like dying soon too..
so i offered to buy them drinks and ice cream..
but too bad they dun wan la..
lolx..
but when i reached pink dolphin there..
i dug my coins out to get them a bottle of coke..
too bad la..i not enough coins..cant buy more..only can buy one bottle..
who ask them at 7-11 don't want drinks..
lolx..
so when we finally reach back the starting point..(we were the last group..lol)
my phone were ringing like mad..
everyone like asking me where i am..
think they must be worried that they will kill me halfway
lol!!!
then Hiadayah suddenly had leg cramps..
so i ask the rest to run back..and i slowly walk her back..
we had our lunch there and proceed back to the school..
before we went back the batteries did a cheer for me and Micheal..
was quite touched by it..
can see they do appreciate things..
the trip back was quiet..like finally!!!
lolx..everyone was very tired after that..
thank god the afternoon activities were held in the AVA room..
so it's the EGG n LEMON n ORANGE sales..
lol!
yes..they can either make a egg protector..lemonade or orange squash..
and they got to bid and buy the items needed..
for the 1st time u see such crazy prices for the items..
madness!! lo!!!
oHh..i must mention..my dearest batteries decided to make lemonade..
and the ones to suffer is me and Micheal!!!
yes..we end up being thier testers..
thanks god we didnt end up in hospital..
if we did... *censor* LOL!
i kept disturbing them..
and i saw that Esther handwriting was very nice..and she write like she using so much force..
so i suddenly of her STRONG ARMS!!!
OhHh QIANG ER YOU LI DE SHOU PI~ AH QIANG!!!
i kept disturbing Gwen and Eunice as well..
that Gwen really cannot stop laughing n smiling man..
so so funny!!!
then after that i went for a puff and Si Hui accompany me..
realised it might be raining soon..
we went to zip up thier tents..
went back n watch them through the presentation..
Esther was really whacking through out..
entertaining sia..Charlene damn funny..say where to find such nice stand..
saying herself sia..
Jing leh..best..talk as if she going on a bullet train..
aiyo..oral fail la..
lol!!!
the rest of the groups damn whacky as well.
the 1st group funny la..kept saying confidental..cannot reveal..
didnt realli see through coz halfway i went out to double check the weather..
it was starting to pour like mad..
and i saw that some tents were unzip AGAIN!!!
so i just ran and went down to close up for them..
if thier stuffs were wet that's the end for them man..
and if the tents got wet inside..they wouldnt be able to sleep tonight as well..
i guess you got to pay a price for being nice..
end up i was drenched from HEAD to TOES..
my shoes are like SOAKING to the max..
so when i went back to the AVA room..i was shivering..
and not forgetting dripping wet..
so i had an early shower..
soon it was dinner time..
they had buffet but wasnt really that good la..
everyone was so excited about the camp fire..
they sang and was so high..
esp. the batteries..they were like standing on the benches..
and i was behind them..
in case they fall!!!
really hyper kids..
then there was this camp song they were singing cant rem which one..
but i think it was the frog song..
there was this part when it was the sexy frog..
and guess what!!! Esther n Jing was so pai seh to do it coz the trainers were at the back!!!
u can see Esther blushing in the dark lor!!!
lolx!!! Si Hui even comment..wah she also will shy de ah!!
LOL!!! damn funnY~!!!
Michelle was so high she was dancing with them..
so end up me and Si Hui also join her..
but the girls kept turning back n see la..
pai seh lor..
and i really cant dance de la..
that Charlene kept insisting i was dancing when she turn back then i stopped..
then they tried to sabo me to go infront and dance..
heng i walk away very fast!
if not damn pai seh..
lol~ then Esther and Jing kana sabo..should be by Charlene..
well done Charlene!!!!
lol!!! they had to dance in front of everyone~
well the camp fire like ended quite boringly..
they should have a cheer at the end at least..
but everyone got lots of free time after that..
i had to go for a shower again coz of the heat from the camp fire..
then there was this so called red alert..
had to rush my shower..
coz of Alvin..he wanted to beat up some malay guy with a attitude problem..
some stupid things that happend during campfire..not worth mentioning..
then Si Hui say i must standby coz seems like im the only one that can talk to him..
dotx..i also not very close to him..
say i pai kia style..only pai kia can talk to pai kia..
almost die on the spot lor..
so went down to jaga..
nothing much happen just that Alvin was very heated..
then just went around to see if everyone got settled down..
Esther and Jing kept complaining they very sticky..very hot cannot sleep..
who ask them so late then bath..end up lights out already
lol!!! too bad lor..
they were all knocked out by 1am..
so we finally can have some rest..
sleep all the way till 6am+..
wanted to wake up around 4am+ to do some rounds..
end up i also too knocked out to wake up.....
Day Three 12th March Sunday
YES! finally the last day~!!!
thought we will be going to Ubin with the yellowies..
but end up we stayed helped with the bluies and greenies..
so as usual..im at archery..
with the greenies again!!! yes..the batteries..
was walking around..talking to them while playing archery as well..
and the XIA NU was born!!!
yes i realised that Jing looked like some fairy tale gulong stories..
female character wielding a sword..fighting bad guys..
she look very qing xiu and FAIR..
yes..WHITE WHITE kind..
and i believe she got no pores!!!
i cant even see any sweat on her!!!
she doesnt even appear to be sticky or sweating!
while the rest of us are like dying in the heat!!!
cant u believe it? i cant till i saw with my own eyes!!!
she is TRULY a XIA NU~!!!!
lol~ really is gu dian mei sia
and i was abused by Eileen Esther n Jing..
they kept hitting my back..end up i got alittle brusies here and there..
esp. AH QIANG hit me SO HARD!
she know she got QIANG ER YOU LI DE SHOU PI lor..
then XIA NU also never lose out..hit me with her "skills"
all are FENG ZIs!!!
I wan complain!!! Esther kept pinching me!!! and it was very painful!!!
soon it was the end and i was abused to the max..
they went to pack thier tent and collect thier wallets and hps and was dismissed..
the FENG ZIs actually say that they wanted more camps..want a longer camp..
think if that's the case i will DIE from it..
so we waited for the i campus to come back and dismissed the yellowies..
finally it's home sweet home!!!
well..i really had my fun at this camp..
it's really quite some years since i had such a fun camp though..
must really say thanks to all the trainers and students for making this camp such a fun one..
i guess it was really the companies through out the 3 days 2 nights..
im glad to have the rechargable batteries as my group and they really made me smile through out..even though you guys are really very cheeky and mischevious..it was fun!
thanks alot and keep the spirit going!!!
good luck to all of you!!!
:: it's just me.. :: 3/13/2006 09:16:00 PM
Friday, March 10, 2006
be gone for the leadership camp @ north brooks secondary the next 3 days..
wonder what the monkeys will do..
sure gonna be damn tired and shag when i'm back..
sleepy..
going to bed soon!
need tons of rest to cope the next 3 days!!!
:: it's just me.. :: 3/10/2006 03:04:00 AM
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
:: interviews... ::
so many phone calls..
all from the agencies..
saying the same old thing..
"i will forward your resume to our client and if they shortlist you for interview we will inform you.."
and that's always the last i heard from them!!!
after so many many resumes sent out..
i ony been to one interview..
and today is only my 2nd interview..
haiz..
but this is rather far and got to wake up so damn early..
really wonder if i can make it or not..
just go for it and see how..
so much things to wonder about nowadays..
people tell me don't let relationships and love bother me..
i also know that..
and i know that long ago..
but do they know that sometimes things cant be help???
some people are born more heartless than others and some aint..
and i belong to the latter..
so what can i do about it..
they cant expect everyone to be like them right?
always think i don't want to listen..
but do they understand first?
im born emotional..
rich in feelings..
my love will always be my top priority..
i live and fight for love..
im not a emotionless asshole..
im just over sentimental..
regardless of lover, friends or whatever..
im just like that..
if you don't like it..
buzz off..
get out of my sight..
you just don't understand me..
they say a musician is always tempermental, emotional and weird..
i guess that does fits me somehow..
so if you know me..
don't try to act as if you understand me when you don't..
i don't "shoot" you back all because you are older and there was someone else..
and i see no point in wasting my breath on someone who don't understand me..
but there aint much people around me that does understand me too..
i guess im unpredictable to understand..
or just that i like to do weird things..
i always want to be able to sleep without waking...
for months, years even decades..
yes i want to be a true blue vampire..
but i don't the idea of blood drinking..
and the fact that memories stay so clearly..
what the heck..
i just don't want to think about things..
:: it's just me.. :: 3/07/2006 01:31:00 PM
Sunday, March 05, 2006
i feel like shit..
i got no idea what im thinking of inside me..
there's always things that you want but you can't..
i shouldn't have got myself so far in..
shouldn't have got myself into something when im still in another..
im just f*** up..
i need to calm down..
i need to have a peace of mind..
i need to decide..
but i just can't..
i guess im the one that should go into hibernation..
to disappear and save everyone from agony..
I'M FUCKED!!!
:: it's just me.. :: 3/05/2006 11:38:00 AM
:: what is it... ::
when i read her blog..
i felt this sourness in me..
really very "xin suan"
i can really feel her love for me..
im actually very touched by her..
but i know for myself..
my past still stays..
my heart still beats for the other..
as for her..
everytime when we are together i feel that we really don't suit each other..
but everytime when she's not around..i miss her..
why is it that way..
maybe because we are from the different paths of life..
maybe because we know each other too early..
maybe because she's still young..
there's too many maybe..
and now she decided to stay away..
to forget about everything..
as she can't take it that my past still stays..
i never know i will feel this way..
when her blog song plays with the words she written..
i felt her pain..
her love and her tears..
at that moment..
something sweep me inside..
and i shed a tear..
now all i can do is wish her all the best..
if she decided to leave and get over this..
i will pray for her..
take care..
sorry for hurting you..
sorry for making you cry..
sorry for the pain i gave you..
just remember the times when i made u smile..
forgive me as i really didn't meant it..
im sorry..
:: it's just me.. :: 3/05/2006 12:56:00 AM
