.:. ..the great pretender.. .:.

Friday, October 29, 2010

I am always the wrong one..
I am always the sensitive one..
everything I do is not right..
u dint realize that u r not telling me the whole story of things..
u say 1 thing n avoid all the rest..
u expect me to let u do what u want..
u say that what is btw u n him is u n him and me n u is me n u..
but is there really no linkage?
me n him r involved with the same woman..
but he is ur bf n I'm only your best friend..
I should just shut my mouth n mind my own business n not irritate u until u will tell me that we are best friends n I have no rights in you..
and end up getting myself hurt..
I guess that's it..
that is what u have been trying to tell me..
i thought that I can understand this kinda relationship..
I thought I can just live with it..
I love u so much I just can't seem to live without u..
I just feel that I will die if u r not around..
I am sure I will b very lost n heartbroken..
but I do not want to be the hidden one anymore..

:: it's just me.. :: 10/29/2010 10:23:00 PM

Thursday, October 14, 2010

all I wanted was things to be back like before..
ur care n concern to be the same..
ur love to be as strong..
me picking myself up bits by bits..
slowly setting a strong hold..
sometimes I just couldn't read ur signs..
is not that I wan to think otherwise..
you need to understand that..
I really need you that many much..
what u say or do directly affects me..
too much to what I can handle now..
but i'm coping still..

:: it's just me.. :: 10/14/2010 09:56:00 PM

Friday, October 08, 2010

to everyone I'm the strong one..
never falling..
no matter I will find my way..
smetimes I am really lost..
really weak..really so fragile I can tear at any instance..
I just hide this part of me away from everyone..
only afew of my trusted see thus side of me..
I been told to let out and indulge myself in the weakness..
I been told I am weak and should face the truth..
sometime I just need a corner to let the soft part of me come out and get some comfort..
I just hope you understand..
u r not easy to understand..
ur ways of doing things might not seem so clear to me..
I just lost myself in front of you..

:: it's just me.. :: 10/08/2010 12:45:00 PM

I seem to be in my own world..
and I am going deeper into whr no one can find me..
I just can't seem to find answers to the questions..

:: it's just me.. :: 10/08/2010 12:29:00 PM

Monday, October 04, 2010

I feel lk a mess..
I got myself in such a mess..
I feel lk drinking myself drunk..
slp thru the night and day..
why does it feel lk she is going to leave me..
why doesn't she answer me if she is happier with me or him..
i'm nt even in a r/s with her..that's what she said..
yet in my heart I take her as my gf..
but where does it stand coz to her..we do not have any status..
my heart feel lk so pain..I really can feel it burning..
my tears can't stop running..
I find it harder to breathe..

just tot of this sentence that someone once told me many years ago..
"who are the ones who will truely cry for me when I am gone..I would like to be present at my own funeral to see that.."

:: it's just me.. :: 10/04/2010 12:02:00 PM

I FEEL SO NEGLECTED!

:: it's just me.. :: 10/04/2010 01:53:00 AM

u don't know how i feel..
i just want to be the only one..
i know i can't..
but i just want..
why was i so bothered that u didnt call me..
coz when u need help..
i am not the 1st person you came to..
i am not the 1st one u went to..
i am not good enough to make u feel that way..
yes you are right..
u cant bring me in front of your mum..
but he can..
naturally as a rational u..u call him to send u..
maybe if i did have a job..
i have income..have money..
then all these do not need to wait till now..
wait till u need to ask him to do..
root cause..all my fault..
useless..
i thought i was good enough for you..
all these years..
i only keep the thought of loving you and missing you in my heart..
i never show and never do anything..
bcoz i always feel that i am not good enough..
i am not doing enough to make myself better..
to make myself richer..
to make myself more comfortable..
how can i take care of u..
i thought by now i can do it..
but the fact is im still not..
i am not doing enough to pick myself up..
i am not doing enough to make myself better..
i am throwing myself in state of emotions i cant control..
i cant control..coz i love u too much..
maybe i am just selfish..
i want you all to myself..
i dun wan to share..
i dont know how i can make that happen..
all u tell me is that it's not possible..
and it hit me to blackout..

:: it's just me.. :: 10/04/2010 12:18:00 AM