Thursday, December 29, 2005
:: lost..... ::
the new year is coming..
yet im still rather lost..
stil dwelling on the past year of what happen..
well what loved had been loved..
just need a new direction now i guess..
hope my luck get better the new year..
im hoping to find this friend that i have lost touched with..
i wonder what had happened to her..
and i think i should try and find her again..
i hope that i can really find her..
-praying hard-
:: it's just me.. :: 12/29/2005 11:29:00 PM
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
:: is this the right way..... ::
early in the morning..
no replies of sms..
no answering of calls..
i refused to acknowledge any responses from her..
never have i ever been so hard hearted with her..
this time round i guess i really made up my mind..
regardless of what say and do..
i remain unmoved..
i know for sure if i heard her voice..
my determination might be shaken..
i was harsh when i talk to her..
but i guess the truth always sting..
she herself don't even know what she wants..
i got no idea if she will end up hurting another poor soul..
i hope she will mature more..
so that she will truly know what she need and what she wants..
i ponder to myself..
was i really too hard on her..
i had always think for her first..
even nelegecting how i would feel..
but she never appreciate it..
and even took it for granted..
now i just want to start thinking for myself..
i was so crashed and torn by her i can't even stand up..
she had totally ruin me..
trashed my dignity, pride and confidence to zero..
im finding ways and means to heal my wound..
pick myself from this mess..
at least i have taken the first step..
but there's a long way to go..
i can't face her now..
can't bear to see her so happy with her boyfriend..
i will always remember when she was so happy with her new life and boyfriend..
this is what she told me..
"i do not need you anymore..you're not even a friend..my boyfriend can do everything you can.."
at that moment i was more than shattered..
i thought i was already at the deepest bottom of valley..
yet i still can sense myself falling even deeper down..
it was then i realised i was nothing in her heart..
all along i was just the fool..
to believe that with effort, sincerity and love.
i can take away her wrong thinking and start afresh..
everytime she did something to hurt me..
did something wrong to me..
im always so willing to forgive her..
yet i never get her forgiveness nor understanding..
i have to beg her to even be a friend..
how pathatic can i get..
and when she's trouble..
she called and shouted at me..
demanding all she wants..
without even thinking of how would i feel..
im not hers anymore..
if she want she can jolly well shouted at her boyfriend all she wants..
since she said that her boyfriend can do everything i can..
get him to help her then..
she left me with no choice..
i got to pick myself up on my own..
slowly painfully without her..
i decided not to answer her calls..
not even see her..
i can't bear to see how happy they are..
she had made me turned so heartless..
but still i answer her calls coz i cant bear to see her die..
on the surface i pretended not to care..
yet inside me im worried for her..
im learning to control my feelings slowly..
determined not to see her..
i want the real me back!
i don't want the me that had been so crashed by her..
without confidence..
without pride..
without dignity..
without character..
so negative..
so upset..
so depressed..
i know i can do it..
i will never let anyone turn me into that again!!!
i think i just found my conclusion..
:: it's just me.. :: 12/14/2005 06:37:00 AM
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Simple Plan - How Could This Happen To Me
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this lifeI
just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
- the song that's repeating on my winamp..every note tingers a pain in my heart..making this wound as good as new..... -
:: it's just me.. :: 12/10/2005 04:32:00 PM
Friday, December 02, 2005
:: A brand new life..... ::
i need a road out..
i need a life..
i need to focus on my work and life..
as long as my baby is here..
i believe i can do heaps..
still down with sickness..
cough flu fever sorethoart..
u mean it i got it..
must really built my health back..
and full force drive in my work..
where's my immune system!!!
=(
:: it's just me.. :: 12/02/2005 03:03:00 PM
